Consumer Reports - Monkey Style - Your Monkey Can Read

There is this new product out there called "Your Baby Can Read". Essentially you simply 'plop your baby in front of the TV and they (magically) learn how to read' WHAT?

We didn't believe it was possible, so Jen developed a program called "your monkey can read".

What she did was sat us down, taught us phonics, letter sound combinations, sight words, etc. And you know what, it worked. We didn't get the luxury of sitting in front of the TV and learning, we were taught!

While at the park the other day, we decided to talk to some of the babies we came across to see how effective the "Your baby can read" program worked. Not one of them was able to make a sensible response.

Our verdict: Your baby can read - zero hoots

Your monkey can read - 10 plus hoots and an extra hoot for Jen who spent the extra time with us!

Not to mention, we can now check out books from the library!!!!!

Consumer Reports - Monkey Style - The Shake Weight

Sorry about that folks! We get into swaddle mode and lose track of time..... Mmmmm comfy swaddle..... Sorry!

Now onto todays Consumer Report - The Shake Weight.

While we may give this 20 hoots for hilarity, we give it 1 hoot for practicality.

First of all, you use the weight all wrong. You could seriously bust out some teeth if you aren't careful!

Second, nobody looks that happy while working out. This chick has some major issues. (Brian thinks she just needs a man. Whatever that means)

Third, it was almost impossible for us to lift that thing. We had to have Jen help (once again Brian was making some odd comments....). She looked ridiculous! We had a great time hooting at her!

Lastly, if you want a workout that is way more fun, bust out the Wii. There are several games that involve the same type of movement but look like they are waaaaaaay more fun!

Overall, the Shake Weight is not worth the money unless you want to play a joke on someone.

Consumer Reports - Monkey Style - The Snuggie!

HOLY SH*T!!!! The Snuggie is the best invention on the planet. We haven't been able to leave these things since Monday! We just can't stop hooting about them!

I mean seriously, you are all warm, your butt hangs out so you don't accidentally dutch oven yourself! I wonder what Bernardo is doing. I haven't seen him in a while. I hope he too is in utter comfort with the Snuggie!

Snuggie, I laugh in the face of the Sunggie. You want total comfort, have Jen or Brian hook you up with The Swaddle. All the comfort of a Snuggie, but the tight bundle of the Swaddle. Mmmmmmmm Monkey heaven. I give the Swaddle 12 out of 10 hoots, it is that awesome!

Dear lord, Bernardo is right. The Swaddle is king in the comfy world. Mmmmmm, Swaddle.

Monkey Approved!

Friday Foto Finish 9.12

It's time again my faithful friends to talk of many things.  Of sealing wax.....  Wait, I just entered Wonderland for a moment.  What I wanted to do was enter Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta. Make sure you scroll all the way down.  I owned up to the missing section on my post from last week......  I wonder what you'll see.....

I have been meaning to post a lovely photo of my minkees and I wearing matching hats.  There's have White Stripes (not the band), mine is just black and brown.  There's came from the sock drawer, mine came from India.  It is surprisingly warm!

If you've ever been here before, you know how much my husband likes to leave the minkees in funny positions for me to find.  Here is the front view.

And here they are from the back.  You can see their little minkee butts contoured by the awesomely warm hat.

And........

Now.........

Drum.......... 

Roll..........

Please.........

We have a sighting!  I repeat, we have a sighting.  Call the paparazzi, we have a Jen/Creator sighting.  Maybe one day you will see my whole face.  Maybe......  I don't know if I can take the stalking.

Spooky Minkees

What is going on here?!?

We were just hanging out in the chair earlier today and this strange thing happened.  We got all kinds of fuzzy and light was bending all around us.  Guillermo thought that we were being abducted by aliens.  We are so cute and cuddly that creatures from another world would want to smuggle a little minkee away on their trans galactic voyages.  Or so that's what Guillermo believes.  I know the truth!  Jen is planning on recreating us with this new yarn we are holding, so our minkee souls were being transferred to the new yarn (in small doses) so that when the conversion is complete we will be the exact same as we were before.  Either that or Guillermo had one of his super duper farts.  It was pretty smelly.  You decide.

So, that happened

Jen and Brian were a.o.k. with the grooming aspect of our history lesson as well as how we determined the dominate male (which somehow turned out to be Bernardo?!?  Weird).  But there was quite the issue with the poop flinging.

You see...  Bernardo and I had an argument, and decided to try to resolve our issues with some poo flinging.  It just landed us in the corner thinking about 'our actions'.  Jen actually made us sit in the corner for 10 minutes.  Do you know how much time that is for a tiny minkee like me?!?!  It was torture!  We have learned our lesson.  No more poo flinging from us.  I guess we should leave some of our Simian heritage behind us.

When Jen is away

Now that Jen is gone all day, and Brian is taking online classes it is up to us to make our own fun.

Today, we decided to study our minkee heritage.  We got out a few books on Simian Behavior and tonight we plan on giving a presentation about all of the minkee characteristics we learned about.  We now have a good grasp on the proper ways of grooming, how to determine the dominate male, what 'our kind' does when we become angry, etc.  I hope Jen and Brian are prepared for the show!  We think it is going to be a hit.  Check back tomorrow to see how it went.

We got a playground!!!!!

Jen got a big package in the mail yesterday and look what was in it!!!!  A minkee playground!!!!!  Well actually, she got a yarn baller and umbrella swift, but we are using it to play!  (Thanks for the B-Day present mom and pop)

Right here we are playing on the swift, it holds the yarn waiting to be spun into a ball.  Jen was getting pretty pissed off at us because we kept throwing her spin off, so we got down for a couple minutes.

You spin the yarn on that little thing.  There is a little crank off to the side.  Bernardo was quite helpful, he even spun a whole ball all by himself.  Kiss ass!

He was so proud of himself that he posed for this little photo.  He thinks he's the bee's knees but I know the truth.  He's just your everyday cheeky minkee just like me.

For me, I got a little stuck.  I asked Jen to spin me around a couple of times.  It was a lot of fun and that thing can go fast.  Only problem.....I kinda got a little sick on the yarn.  Sorry, I thought it would be fun.  You can't be mad at me, look how cute I am!

Minkees in their natural habitat...

Today, Evan and Kelly had an update of their time in India.  They took some pictures and video of some minkees in their natural habitat. It was pretty cool.  Well, that inspired Guillermo and Bernardo to embrace their inner 'wild' minkeee and have some fun..

Here we have Bernardo playing in the jungle.  As you know there are some plants in the jungle held up by macrame vines.  There was a lot of hooting and swinging around on those vines.  B-man had a lot of fun!  The only problem he had was getting upset when he had some dirt on his little minkee butt.  His arms aren't long enough reach, but Guillermo was there with the assist. 

G-unit had some fun playing in the trees.  He really needs to remember that he has gotten stuck in that tree so many times.  He was quite content with hanging out in there and shouting comments at us all day.  There was also a lot of hooting.  At one point Guillermo asked if he can embrace the inner monkey and throw things.  I didn't ask what he wanted to throw, I thought a solid "NO" would be the only answer for that little guy.  You give him an inch and the poo will fly.  There was a little pouting, but I suggested that the minkees groom each other like the 'wild' minkees do and we heard nothing but giggling for the next hour.

Once they came in from the jungle/sun porch they decided to practice swinging around from vine to vine on the tree lamp.  They really didn't have much room to swing, but they made the most of it.  After a while they got a little tired and swung down to the couch for a nice long nap.  They slept for hours, snoring and farting the whole time.  I bet you can guess which monkey was the farty one!

Naked Monkees!!!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, We have thrown our scarves off and are basking in our nakedness.

We are free, monkees in our purist form.  We have been running around up here, hooting and playing like were back in the jungle!  Right now, we are looking for Kate and the others from Lost... (They don't seem to be in this jungle anymore, I wonder where they went?)

Since Jen and Brian are ignoring us, we can do what we want.  Like the lawn really needs to be mowed or the deck coated!  I know they can see us up here.   It's great to be a minkee!!!  Uh oh, the mower just turned off... Jen must be heading up here.... Where's my scarf????

Chillin like villins

What better way to spend a three day weekend than hanging out and enjoying the weather.  At least until the big storm hit last night.  What a doosey!  However, this weekend was all about having fun and relaxing.  We channeled our inner minkee and swung around the sun porch and the apartment.  We hooted like minkees and scared the next door neighbors dog!  (which is a good thing, she never stops barking when she's outside.)  We also laid out so I can work on becoming even more mocha brown.  There was even a few rounds of our favorite minkee games like Scrabble, Twister, Zombies and the all time best game ever; Barrel of Monkeys!   All in all a pretty good weekend.  I wonder what Jen and Brian did?

O.K. We're Better...

Jen explained that the thing in the basket was a prototype for the two of us.  She apparently tried out a number of sizes before she came up with the perfect minkey size. Which is good, we are so cute and cuddly this size I can't imagine being THAT BIG!  She apologized several times, she forgot that she hadn't gotten rid of it.  I took it upon myself to destroy it.  So, I  farted on it for good measure, then Bernardo and I tried to rip it to shreds.  However, NO opposable thumbs made that pretty hard, so Jen took the scissors to it and it is now destroyed.  Whew!  Glad that is over.  I was a scared little minkee for a while.  By the way, sorry I farted on your pillows Jen.   You might want to throw the cases in the wash along with your favorite comfy pants.  Sorry, its what minkees do when they are upset.  Love you.....

Tag We're It!

So, we have been tagged!  Since there are two minkeys and a human who do most of the posting we thought it only appropriate to have six fun filled facts that you may not know about all of us...  We will see if Brian wants to add anything when he gets home, but we'll leave the choice up to him...

 Guillermo.....

1.  If someone says hammertime, I have to do the hammertime dance.  It's kind of like Cartman having to sing the entire song "Come Sail Away" when someone sings a lyric.  It is quite annoying, but minkeys love to dance.

2.  My head had to recreated because I got some of Jen's blush on my nose and it wouldn't come off, even after ten suds and bubbles.  I was too embarrassed to be photographed, so I had Jen make me a new head.

3.  When Jen and Brian are both gone, I fart on their pillows... I am a monkey, don't question or judge!

4.  My favorite chef on Hell's Kitchen is Corey.  I could get pretty cuddly with her if you know what I mean...

5.  My favorite game to play is cute shark.  It is where I crawl around on the ground and chase Jen, Brian and Bernardo while being extremely cute.  Only problem.... My butt wiggles too much!

6.  Gordon Ramsey is my idol,  now "Piss off you stupid donkey!"  (that's what he says, so I can say it too!!!)

Bernardo...

1.   While Jen is at work, I play with her beads........  All of the beads, not this little pile!!!

2.  I may be festive, wear a rainbow scarf and am 'gay', but I am not that 'gay'.  B-man loves the ladies.

 

3.  I am allergic to bananas!  Fortunately, I don't eat them... just wear them!

4.  I would cuddle Kate from Lost like she's never been cuddled before!!!  She is hot!!! Plus, she is traversing the jungle....  guess where I am from... the jungle!  Maybe we can run into one another!!!

5.  My favorite superheros are: Captain Coconauts, Iron Man and Hellboy!  

6.  I left a present in Jen's beads..... If you know what I mean!

Jen...

1. I know for a fact that there is more than one way to skin a cat!  Sorry cat lovers (Carrie) I took Anatomy and Physiology in college and that was a requirement.  I was in a group with three men, I was the only one willing to attempt the skinning.  It was quite interesting to perform it, and there is defiantly more than one way, but I don't want to gross you out too much...

2.  I sang in a back up choir for none other than "The Gambler" at the Mark of the Quad Cities presentation of: A Kenny Roger's Christmas.  Yes ladies and gentlemen I got to meet the gambler himself (he smelled like chicken, weird huh), had my picture taken and sang two songs in a backup choir.  

3.  I was banned from an adult bookstore for three months! They took my photo and posted it!   Always remember kids.... A six foot inflatable penis when hit with your fist, may fall back but comes back up with lightening speed.  If you are curious, click for more details.

4.  I don't like chocolate.  Sorry, just don't like it.  However, you put Skittles or Jelly Beans in front of me and they are gone in seconds.

5.  I make jewelry and malas as a 'side business'.  Malas are Tibetan prayer beads.

6.  I have recently begun and am now addicted to my sinus rinse.  I love to gross out people and give them details about how to use it!  Especially Tom at work!

Look what we found!!!!

It is amazing what you can find with a little diggin through the cupboards. B-man had the great idea of putting these on our heads. He says he feels like king tut in his hat. Well that just cracked me up because tut sounds like 'toot' which is one of the things minkeys love to do (especially this minkey)!!! After a while, I decided I would try to do a headstand with my cool new hat on. It was tricky getting up there. Bernardo sat back and watched, he was too chicken to try... BAWK, BAWK Bernardo, BAWK, BAWK!!! Now, here is where the problem lies. With this thing on my head, I couldn't get back down from my headstand and I had to do A LOT of apologizing to get some help from you know who. After much pleading and tooting in fear, Bernardo helped me down and we continued to play. I took off my hat and turned it into a megaphone and jumpped up on B-man's hat and had some fun. I was shouting orders to Jen, like "keep on dusting", "that mirror isn't going to clean itself" and "you missed a spot". She looked a bit irritated with me, but she just left us alone. I think she said something under her breath about some new dust rag she could use, and was wondering how yarn could help pick up dust. I don't know what she was talking about?!? Unfortunatley, I had an accidental toot (or five) on Bernardo's head and the fun and games were over. Oh, well... I am sure we can find something else to play with.... I wonder what's in the fridge?

Take a Memo!

Bernardo here...  Wow, Jen has been soooo busy this week with work, she hasn't had enough time to play with us :()  So, we are reaching out to give her a hand and are starting a 'Caption This' segment to the blog.  We need your help in creating our adventures.  Unfortunately, Jen made us with tiny knit hands and we are unable to type for ourselves.  We are taking suggestions for this photo until May 21st at midnight (however we will still be a bloging from time to time as well).  The winner will have their caption on this post and we may even include an autographed, yes I repeat autographed photo of these two handsome fellas.  So start the creative juices flowing... No, not you Guillermo.... Man, he farted.....:(  Stinky Minkey!

A Little Help Please, Again!

O.K.  Jen was almost two hours late coming home from work, she 'claims' she was helping work on a big PowerPoint for work.   Whatever, we needed to get down to minkey business and start playing!  So, we got into the hair tie basket in the bathroom and started fighting over them.  Well, that just lead to more fighting and now we are stuck!!! And yes, that is my tail wrapped in there too.  This is very uncomfortable.  She came in the house and you know what she did?!? She looked at us, walked past and left us sitting on the couch bound together.  What a butt head!!!  I can't believe she just left us there!!!  Now we have to wait for Brian to come home and help us out.  I hope he gets here soon.....

Field Trip 2.0

Well, Brian is a fuddy duddy!  He wouldn't let us come to yoga with him and he said I can't work on my Iron Man outfit because I might damage myself with the scissors!!  So instead we thought we would give you some more pics from our fun filled field trip to Jen's school. (nice alliteration, huh!)  This is B-man and I playing on the pencil sharpener.  He tried to convince me to put my tail in there and he would sharpen it for me, but I said "No...No...".  He would have unraveled me!!! Does he want to be a solo minkey?!?

Next, we played hide and seek and I found the best hiding place.  B-man didn't find me for almost an hour.  It was a good thing he found me when he did, it was getting pretty stinky in there.... I wonder why.....

Lastly, we decided to put the libraries copy machine to good use.  It made our butts nice and toasty warm.  Unfortunately, Jen found us and threw away the copy before we could post it.  She didn't think people would really be interested in looking at monkey butts on the internet.  I know I would find it interesting!

Spa Day

Sorry loyal readers that we didn't get a chance to post yesterday.  Jen had some appointments and went to the mother of all book sales so she dropped us off at the local spa for the day for some serious minkey pampering.  We got ear massages, tickles and hugs from the cute little massage therapists.  Then came the the minkey pedicure.  We were so relaxed that we loosened our scarves and Bernardo put on the grass skirt from Cinco de Mayo party we had.  After we were picked up, Jen and Brian went to go see Iron Man.  They tried to leave us at home, but we hid in Jen's purse and got to see the whole thing.  That movie was AWESOME!  I think  I may have to make myself an Iron Man outfit so I can be just like Tony Stark!

Meet Foster

Foster, Cara's dog, came to skool today for a field trip too. When we first met, we didn't know what to think. He looks a little different from us, and he didn't smell farty so we weren't sure if he was o.k......

Guillermo had the brilliant idea to do what dogs do and sniff his butt to make sure he was on the up and up. Apparently, he has recently had his suds and bubbles because he didn't smell at all!

As the saying goes, I'll show you mine if you show my yours. Well, he had to sniff us as well to make sure we are good natured minkeys. There was a problems though.....

He was a little upset with the foul stench that emanates from G-man's fanny region and wasn't sure he wanted to be friends. I think it also offended Foster that Guillermo tried to ride him like a pony! I assured him that we are good little minkeys but all the same I don't think he was too comfortable with the stinkyest of the minkeys. We had fun though.....